I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
