Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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