Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
