She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
