By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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