Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize