their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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