I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
