I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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