Soap is not a condiment
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
