I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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