In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
