A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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