i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize