Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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