his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In America we eat man semen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
