Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
