no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
