I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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