my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize