My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize