I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
