Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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