my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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