The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
