I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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