it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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