So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
