the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
