i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
