he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
