friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
