Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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