he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
