also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
