exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
