did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
