I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
