Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
