My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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