Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
