I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
