Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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