I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
