these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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