I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
