That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
false alarm, still single
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
