Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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