You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
