I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
