The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
