he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
