shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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