How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
