Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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