I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
