What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
