i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
