You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
