Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
