Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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