is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
