sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
