I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
