i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
