i was born a porn star she said
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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