I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
