I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
