If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize