Umm I'm too high to move.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
