If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
