Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
