and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
