mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
