Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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