I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
